On Genuine Interest

Part of a series on Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People

Big Takeaway

The only way to be truly liked by others is by finding things in them that you genuinely admire and are interested in.

  • You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in tow years by trying to get other people interested in you.
  • People are not interested in you. They are interested in themselves- morning, noon, and after dinner.
  • It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.
  • All of us like people who admire us.
  • If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people- things that require time, energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness.
  • We are interested in others when they are interested in us.
  • A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two-way street-both parties benefit.

Matthew 4

Matthew 4

Temptations are suggestions that are designed to steer you away from the daily fight against evil in the world.

Your daily commitment to do what is right, regardless of how you feel, will ultimately contribute to the removal of all evil in the world

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On Influence

Part of a series on Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People

Big Takeaway

The only way to influence someone to take an action that is truly beneficial to them is to talk about what they want and show them how this action will help them get it.

  • The ability to see things from someone else's perspective in addition to your own is a priceless asset.
  • People want to feel like they're buying into something rather than being sold. The only way to achieve this is by show people how what you're pitching will solve their problems.
  • In a world filled with self-seeking people the selfless servant stands out and has an enormous advantage.

On Appreciation

Part of a series on Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People

Big Takeaway

By mainly focusing on the good in people we can offer to them what is as vital to their esteem as food is to the body; sincere appreciation.

  • The deepest urge in human nature is "the desire to be important" and the deepest principle is the craving to be appreciated.
  • Always finding what is praiseworthy, giving genuine, sincere appreciation and encouragement is the greatest way to inspire enthusiasm in others.
  • Criticism, ridicule, and low to no appreciation are the biggest demoralizers and ambition killers.
  • Flattery is insincere, fake, selfish, and offensive, while appreciation is sincere, from the heart, unselfish, and universally admired.

On Criticism

Part of a series on Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People

Big Takeaway

Criticism is toxic and only leaves people feeling resentful towards you, discouraged about themselves, and justified in their actions.

On Criticism

  • We must always keep in mind that people are emotional creatures and are largely motivated by pride and vanity.
  • Though people are very quick to condemn others for their shortcomings, they are just as quick to justify, understand, and absolve themselves of their own.
  • Rather than fixing the problem, criticism largely leaves a person feeling resentful, discouraged, and only results in them further justifying their actions.
  • Rather than criticizing others we should pause to place ourselves in their shoes and understand the situation from their point of view.
  • The best way to invoke change in someone is by openly exemplifying the exact behavior that you would like to see them display.